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Thursday, August 23, 2007

i went to a "trapped in the closet 2" party and all I got was this lousy crazy fish with titties...

Last night we attended what was dubbed "most likely the first screening of Trapped In The Closet 2 in Vancouver". Things were beyond overboard; there was a projection screen, costumes, AND replica Berettas!

Without spoilers: the first 1/3 of TITC2 is sheer awesomeness. It's like a hyper-cliched version of the first 12 chapters (is that even possible?)... on speed. However, by the last 3rd of the performance everything feels kinda paranoid and Twin Peak-sy (but not in a good way). I have a hunch that the next instalment of TITC (oh come on, we all know there will be another instalment) will be completely entrenched in 1980's style homophobia.

Sidebar: why does Kells insist on constantly only wearing tone-on-tone suits? Didn't Regis Philbin rock that on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire circa 2002? I mean, for a guy who can't shut up about how flashy he looks... that aint' too flashy. Hey, I'm just sayin'.

Either way, thanks to Becca for hosting/completely embracing her unironic love of Robert Kelly.

elsewhere

download: matt pond pa with neko case

Labels: r kelly

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

fumbling over words that rhyme...

I realize that the rest of the internetworkedwebs are already ablaze over this, but what the hell:

"The new round of "Trapped" videos finds Kelly portraying an old man named Randolph, complete with a pot belly and a fake white beard that nearly falls off mid-scene, as well as a preacher in a gray Jheri-curl wig and garish orange suit. In one of the final chapters, Kelly's Sylvester character talks business with a "Sopranos"-esque mobster who is eating a giant plate of spaghetti."

Based on everything I learned from the first 12 chapters of Trapped In The Closet, I am predicting the entire finale of Trapped 2 (or whatever you wanna call it) right now! THINK ABOUT IT! These words all rhyme with spaghetti:

serengeti
machete
confetti
donizetti
petty
betty
~~bridgit~~
sweaty
spaghetti

BOLD PREDICTION: Kells will face off against an Italian mobster (Don Donizetti?) over a girl named Betty. They will later realize their disagreement was over some sort of minor (petty?) misunderstanding. Kells will (shockingly) lose his gun, and resort to packing a machete... and resort to threatening people with said weapon whenever he gets confused by the plot (i.e. every 12-15 seconds). Also, he will somehow contort the notion of confetti falling from the sky into some bad sexual metaphor (see: sex planet). The midget will no longer worry about shitting on himself and will have some sort of perspiration issue.

MARK MY WORDS: "Spaghetti" is the new "Pears".

elsewhere

thorpe's notes: r. kelly's trapped in the closet

Labels: r kelly

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